5 things that helped me move through change

The aftermath. The fallout. The parts I didn’t expect after making a decision that restructured my life.

When I shared thoughts about leaving my home and a 25 year marriage, I got an unexpected response. Not only did it receive 200 comments on Facebook, I also received 5 private messages and 1 email from women telling me how they were directly affected by my words. The private messages I received expressed hope, personal hardship and gritty determination to trust self and courageously act.

It was a demonstration to me that love, compassion and connection are essential for humans. We love connection.

Life is shifting and it’s intense. We are living in an era that demands our full attention and requires brutal honesty as we’re shedding the things that no longer serve us.

So as I contemplated on the messages and the responses from that post, I thought I’d share 5 things that helped me move through the transitions that came along after I stepped out on my own.

WHAT’S THE NEXT STEP?

There were too many nights I’d lay in bed, stressed to my limits. And the best phrase that calmed the mind chatter was when I’d ask myself what the immediate next step was. It reduced things to a micro-level and suddenly it felt manageable. The next step is just one thing.

Is the next step to put gas in the car? To make a meal? Or tie your shoe? Then, once it’s done, ask again. You can diffuse that monkey mind quickly if you pull it back to the micro moment just by asking that question.

WHEN IN JOY, STAY WITH JOY

I had always enjoyed the time I spent with my kids, but after the marriage split, I began to relish it. The moments and minutes meant so much to me, even if it was just doing house chores. I also recognized the magic could be hijacked if I allowed the upcoming ‘good-byes’ to happen in my mind before they were actually happening in reality. So I practiced consciously staying with the moment I was in and give it my full focus.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL

Emotions. All the feels. All the ugly cries. All the anger and heartbreak. All the new discoveries and feelings of freedom. All the wishing and loneliness. All of it. You can’t escape yourself, and ignoring your emotions or locking them away is not going to silence them. It’s actually a recipe for a future explosion or breakdown. Laughing the laugh, crying the cry, screaming in the car – whatever it is – do it.

(Of course, use wisdom discretion as to when and where this happens.)

DO SOMETHING YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO

The first Christmas I was single arrived only 2 months after I moved out. With the disruption so fresh, not everything had been divided or settled and I found myself without the means to replicate familiar family traditions. I thought about how different this holiday would be for me and my kids.

One of our past traditions was to get a tree permit, drive to the mountains and cut one. It was a fun activity but it required things I no longer had (like a truck & chainsaw). It was clear that this time I could do it differently, and I got quite excited about it. I honestly had always wanted a full, bushy tree (that you couldn’t see the other side of the room through) but I debated on if it was worth the cost or the trouble. Yet I couldn’t deny how excited I felt when I thought about the possibility. I realized my excitement was raising my emotions and took that happy energy as the sign to follow through.

So my youngest son and I went to a local lot and picked the perfect tree. The sales guy tied it to the roof of my car (with us in it) and asked if I had a pocket knife to cut the string once we got home so we could get out. We had a blast, laughing at how we’d have to climb out the windows because we were tied inside, and working together to bring it in.

It wasn’t a huge thing as far as doing something I’ve always wanted, but I still remember how fun it was to allow that desire to manifest and that’s what matters.

TAKE LONG BATHS

For some people, this is a no-brainer. For others, here’s your reminder to let your body relax and do a little self-care. Think about it… a bath requires thought and planning (even if its minor). It makes you slow down and it can feel luxurious. I found myself making it a weekly ritual. I lit candles, dropped essential oils into the water and sometimes played soft music. It was rejuvenating and I slept really well afterwards.

Yep…do that one for sure.

What are some things you’ve found to help you through transitions? What raises your vibration and helps you feel empowered or rejuvenated? I’d love to know.